Everything in my daily life has been uprooted and changed over the last 6 weeks. I left a job in Texas and took a new position in Washington DC. I went from a 45 minute drive commute each way, to spending 2 hours on a train/ metro/ walking to work each way. I don’t have a church home here or a core group of friends yet. I haven’t found a workout routine that I love like the one I left in Dallas. I haven’t even figured out how and when to connect with family and friends back home yet. Literally every area of my life is changing right now. And it is not fun.
You see, I am someone that hates being bad at things. I feel like I’ve mentioned this before, one of my many flaws. I’m terrible at losing games (just ask my sister!), I’m awful at not being able to master things quickly, and when everything is new, guess what? I’m bad at it. And right now, I am bad (or not great) at EVERYTHING. And it is taking a toll.
My head logically knows it’ll all take time and to show myself grace in this season. I KNOW THAT IS TRUE. And yet… the rest of me is struggling to be ok with not being ok at things. I don’t know how to do my job, I don’t know how to navigate the trains/ metro/ timing well, I don’t know when I’ll ever find time to workout, I don’t know where I am going to live or go to church or even buy groceries right now.
This week of the whole transition has been the hardest. It took me 3 hours to get home one day from work because I miscalculated the amount of time on the metro and missed the train. The next one wasn’t for another 45 minutes. I cried. Not for missed trains (well kind of for missed trains) but for feeling like a failure at yet another thing. I was incredibly frustrated, tired, hungry and all of those combined equaled tears.
But it hasn’t all been bad! For the first time in my life, I have seen the sunrise and set every day this week. It has been a beautiful reminder of God’s daily new mercies to me, and my continued effort to show myself new daily mercy as well. I have also walked a lot! Which is a blessing as I have been too exhausted to workout when I get home and still can’t justify getting up at 4 AM every day to workout before heading to work. 😳 so these physical  steps are a huge help during this transition as I continue to work on my health and fitness goals.
The most significant good thing has been the encouragement and understanding from my people, who are now all over the world, cheering me on and lifting me up in prayer. I have been blown away by the outreach of friends and family checking on me, asking what I need, praying over me and sending virtual hugs. God has richly blessed my life through the love of these people.
These all may sound small to you. Honestly, they feel small in my daily struggle to find a new normal. But what I have found, this week especially, is sometimes it is the very smallest of things that encourages your faith and pushes you to persevere. The big things always help, but I think it is the small, continual acts of God’s providence that have the potential to change you the most. And I am a testament to that theory this week.
“As for you, brothers, do not grow weary in doing good.†– 2 Thessalonians 3:13
This verse was part of my devotional time this morning and is an each of my life verse, Galatians 6:9. It was yet another small thing reminding me that what I am doing is good. The Lord has literally paved the way for me to be here and provided for me in every way. Especially, the good, small things.
