It’s almost Valentine’s Day, which depending on your outlook on this holiday is a great thing or something that means nothing to you. One thing no one can deny is the feeling of love being in the air. It is all around us, but this time of year, it is more blatantly obvious. Or is that just me? Anyways, with love everywhere right now, I thought I’d share some of the thoughts I’ve had rolling around in my head.
If you have been around the bible even a little bit, you are probably familiar with the verse from John 13 which gets quoted frequently, “A new command I give to you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love another.“ (verse 34). The second part of this command from Jesus may be less known to you but it goes on to say, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.†(verse 35). So, if we are reading this in context, which I always try to do, as believers we are called to love one another, believers and unbelievers alike, so much so that we are RECOGNIZED by others because of how much we love. It is meant to be our signature move, our MO so to speak, to this world. LOVE.
I don’t know how you feel about the word love. Maybe you are someone who loves love or someone who shies away from overly using the word, or maybe you are someone who can feel this word all the way down to your toes. Maybe love has been easy for you here on earth. You are someone who has experienced a loving family, a loving school experience, a love from a life-long spouse or best friend. Or maybe you can’t say any of the previous statements about your life and the only love you have felt is the one God has for you, and that’s all you have to hold on to. Wherever you live on this Love-meter, I wonder if you have ever stopped to wonder if others recognize you by your love? Not by the love you receive, but by the love you give?
One of the questions I have often prayed over the last several years is for the Lord to help me learn to love others, but more specifically to love others well. There is a slight difference here. I think we overuse the word love in our time. I LOVE hot tea, I LOVE to travel, I LOVE my family. When really, I really like some things and actually love very few things (don’t worry my family is on the actually love side!). So when I ask the Lord to show me how to love others, I often add the word well. That God would help me to love others well. You see we can love others in ways that may or may not be received, but in order to love others well, I think we have to adjust our definition and expectations of the word love when it applies to showing and caring for others. Let me break that down for you in a few examples.
I am someone who shows love through acts of kindness and gifts. I enjoy buying things for people I care about, whether they need it or not, and I really like to show them I care about them through doing something for them. This can be something I enjoy, donating my time to their need, or something I don’t enjoy and I am putting aside my likes and dislikes to serve them. More than anything, I try to understand how they would feel most appreciated and loved, not just in the ways I like to show it, but in the ways they will actually feel it.
But when it comes to people showing me love, I don’t want them to just use words, though those are nice. I don’t even usually like them to spend money on gifts. I would rather them sit with me and have a meaningful conversation, go for a fun dinner or try a new thing together, or have them take something off of my plate to feel loved by them. This is what it means to me to show me someone loves me well. They know me well enough to KNOW how to show me they love me. They don’t just choose what works for them.
I think this is the difference between loving someone and loving them well. You are choosing to forego your definition of what love should look like to adjust to a way of love that will be translated as such in their hearts and minds. And this is exactly what Jesus does for us. He loves us well by knowing us and meeting us, individually, where we are in life. Sometimes Jesus was a miracle to heal a broken heart and shared his love through an act of touch and healing. Other times, He showed love by spending quality time with His disciples in fellowship around a dinner table or a fire. He also had countless activities of service to His people, providing food for them when there was none for one thing. Then there were the times, He repeatedly had to tell us he loved us. And then ultimately, He gave us the greatest gift we could ever ask for, Himself raising from the grave as Savior of the world allowing us to spend eternity with Him. Each one of these acts of love was specific to the need, it was adjusted for the person He was trying to reach.
We are blessed to have an example of someone who loves us so well. And now it’s our turn to turnaround and do the same. How can you adjust your way of showing love to those around you to accommodate their way of receiving it? Is there a chore your roommate hates to do that you could take over this week? Do you have a co-worker who has things piling up on their desk and you can offer to help for an hour one day this week? Can you carve out 30 minutes to sit with your spouse and have a genuine conversation about life (without kids!)? How might you love one another, and love them well today or this week? I pray over this season and in the coming year, we will all strive to love one another well. Imagine what our communities, our churches, our country, our very lives could look like should we take this small adjustment to heart. We may actually then be known for the love we say we have. Imagine that!
