With all of the closures and cancelations in response to the concern over the coronavirus, all of the alone time got me thinking about community. About connectedness. It got me thinking about how do we stay connected with others when we feel most isolated? The thing is, over the last 6 months of moving to a new city, starting a new job, and knowing almost no one in this new place- I have felt alone. Almost all the time. I have been bored out of my mind on occasion, but also springing out of bed in the morning excited to head to work because I get to talk to REAL people. Like, come ON, who does that? It has been a challenge. But I have learned a few things about staying connected through this transition that I thought might be helpful to share as we face mandated isolation.
First, isolation feels and looks different for everyone. You could be in a room surrounded by people, or in an office with colleagues you know and trust and still feel alone. For me, I could even be among friends and feel as if I am alone by not drawn into the conversation or feel comfortable sharing my perspective. But being in community is knit into the fabric of our very bodies. We crave it, and we need it. A basic need of life (check Maslow’s hierarchy here). But how do you get the connectedness when we are being told to stay home, or are uncertain how to build a community where you are, or maybe you just aren’t good at it. Here are some ideas for you to find community in unlikely places, through unlikely tools.
- TECHNOLOGY- We are living in one of the coolest, technology-savvy times in history, and this means you can stay connected with people, doctors, and take college classes from anywhere. ANYWHERE with internet or cell coverage that is. Some of my favorite apps to stay connected are:
- Marco Polo- think video walkie talkie. You can watch friends when you can and respond when you have the time. This has been so great for me and my crew. I get to see their faces as they explain situations, hear their tone, rather than trying to decipher it from a text message.
- FaceTime- for those times when you both happen to have the same hour available to chat live, rather than recorded. This is a great way to do that!
- Instagram- we post everything here these days, myself included. And honestly, I have seen things about friends and family members days I would never have known or thought to ask about from their postings on Instagram. I have become more engaged in social media because it continues the conversation. It becomes a two-way platform, rather than one-way entertainment. It’s been awesome and encouraging the messages I have seen, received, and sent through this platform.
- Bible App- I use the You Vision version of this app and have loved many of their devotional or reading plans. The best part about the plans is you can invite friends to join you! Right now, I am currently reading through Proverbs with one of my best friends from college and it has been so fun! We each read the devotional and scriptures for the day, and then the reading plan provides us with discussion or chat space to reflect together on what we read that day. Even when we lived in the same house in college, we weren’t able to spend this kind of time together or have these types of conversations. We are honest in our comments, and it adds a level of accountability to do it together! Go check it out!
- Girls’ (or Guys’) Weekends- When you live among your crew, you don’t often take time away from your lives to get together somewhere else. To actually leave your normal, and just hang out. I have seen these girls weekends be vital to my heart and soul as I have had more connection through a one- or two-day trip with a group of friends meeting somewhere new, than if we had gathered together for dinner once a month in the town we may all live. Of course, I see these types of gatherings increasing since my people are now all over the place and I am not near most of them. But there is something about leaving your normal life for a few days, with a core group of friends or family, to gain some quality time and soulful rest. If you are limited with travel, try for a virtual conference type of weekend. For example, read a book, watch a Ted talk, or just CATCH UP by schedule some hours to chat together over video chat while drinking wine (or coffee or tea). But try not to do it at your home, you’ll just get distracted. Go to the local library, Starbucks, Panera, Hotel Lobby, or park your car at the park and just sit.
- Pray for one another.- There is little that breaks down my feelings of loneliness like praying for others. It helps take the focus off of myself and put it on those around me. So, ask what they need prayer for and actually commit to pray for those things. Write them down, post them by your bed or in the bathroom. Wherever you will see it on a regular basis. Shift the isolated conversation going on in your head, to a conversation with the Almighty. For we are never alone.
- Be intentional.- I have scheduled reminders on my calendar to reach out to different people regularly. One, because I want to be intentional and life often gets in the way, so to help me remember and to prioritize, I put it on my calendar. I block off the time. Second, the longer I am in isolation, the more I feel alone and therefore I begin to believe I can and should do things on my own. And that is just not true. Not only is that not true, I actually don’t want to do life alone. So, I make intentional strides to keep me from my individualism, Wonder Woman ways and allow people into my life. Not for them, but for me. I NEED THEM. And for someone who is an Enneagram 8, that is a HUGE thing I just admitted that out loud (well through the blog, that’s basically out loud).
These may seem small, but they have been huge helps to me as I build a life distant from the world I have known. And as I continue to find community here, I don’t want to lose my connections with others. I want to be intentional about the community I am building both here and around the world. I also want to be known among my people. Therefore, I have to put in the effort. Whether we are in the same room or not. What are some of the ways you connect with your squad?
